The Diary of Verity, Duchess of Touraine
Volume XII

This volume contains the notes of Verity, the Duchess of Touraine, as she faced the crisis of realizing that all of her contemporaries were dying or dead, and details how she herself survived.

Possession of this tome is worth **** Research Points per session, on the subject of ****. You may only use points from one book on this subject in a year. If delivered to the Church, this tome is worth **** Church Prestige Point.

Hear me, oh seeker into forbidden lore!
My name is Verity Touraine, and in life I was known as the
Duchess of Touraine.
I sacrificed my life to the pursuit of knowledge, out of belief
that truth is a virtue, and wisdom an honorable aspiration.
History will decide if I was a monster or a hero, but the truths I
discover will survive me. These texts contain all that I learned
during my life.
Read them and follow me in my journey through light and
darkness.

Kodacha Rei married Tanaka Isamu on her twenty-third birthday, back in the 102nd year of the age. At the time, Anastasia Issorat was teaching me about sorcery and myself. I find it ironic that while my venerable sensei was attempting to twist me into the shape of her lost love while making me spend my nights with spirit-torn monsters, Rei-chan was probably fretting over her lace pattern and worrying about her wedding night. It's stranger still to think that in this, the 156th year of Paraceln's Age, when I look in the mirror I see a girl who is no older than Rei-chan was on her wedding day. Stranger still is the knowledge that Rei-chan is likely dead.

I miss her.

...

I had not intended to pick my journal-keeping up again. It has been fifteen years since I put any particular effort into anything. In the time that has passed, I have learned to fish, to paint, and to cook. I have written poetry, and spent days in bed trying to remember the touch of a lover's hands upon my body. One night, I dreamed of my little Yoin, sitting beside my bed. In a moment, I watched him grow into a strong, handsome man, and in the next I watched him age and wither. I fear that, like Rei-chan, my little boy is likely now dead.

I think I wept for days after that dream. I know I forgot to eat, forgot to dress, forgot to bathe. I laid in bed like a miserable corpse, wishing my way back to the life that was taken from me when my mother banished me to this accursed castle, my stomach still slim but my mornings already wracked by the nauseated heaving caused by the son who would never be mine. For hours, I cursed her name, cursed my father's weakness for not interceding, cursed Leandre Sone for using me and for discarding me and above all for making me love him.

When my throat was cracked and my tear ducts were dry and my girl-face was bloody from where I gouged it with my own fingernails, I discovered that I was just as alone as when I began.

The I picked up this journal, and wrote in it.

Then, I felt better.

...

I have spent too long shut away in the castle. My contacts have faded, and many of my servants barely respond to me. Nevertheless, I am intent upon recovering my life from where it had fallen. Yesterday, I sent a courier to the Capital to order new clothing for me. New dresses seem to be a fitting way to begin my newest life. I can only hope that fashions have not changed too much.

...

Corsets and hoop skirts. It has been ages since I wore such things, but as I write this I am wearing a voluminous gown of sheer azure silk, trimmed with shimmering woven flowers. The bodice is deeper than I would have worn when I was a maiden, and the astonishingly puffed shoulders of the dress make more than my skirt a challenge to get through a door. The entire gown is embroidered in a pattern of hounds chasing hares, and I am simply amazed that anyone in their right mind would wear such a fantastic creation. I adore it.

...

Along with the first of the gowns, I have received a new shipment of books. It seems that my old factor in the capital had left instructions to his son, just in case I began taking an interest in business again. Very few of the books are of any particular interest to my studies, but new materials are always welcome. Unfortunately, most of what I received are simply scandalous novels of the sort Chastity Touraine would have read. I haven't touched anything of the sort for years, and see no reason to start now.

...

I have ordered another collection of romance novels from my factor. I cannot imagine what I was thinking in my earlier criticism of them. While they lack any redeeming value whatsoever, they are precisely the sort of thing that encourages me to make the most of my days. I suppose that in itself is ironic: I while away my mornings in my nightgown reading about other people's imaginary lives, and somehow that makes me feel more inspired to live my own life. The truth is that it has been so long since I have lived that I do not remember what all is involved in it.

One of the novels I received last month focused on an orphaned duchess who disguised herself as a peasant and lived among her wards. She finds love with a darkly passionate young blacksmith, only to be revealed by her meddling neighbors. Of course, it ends with the discovery that her lover is actually the lost heir of the Crown Prince, and they are married happily. While utter swill, it gives me an idea.

...

Some things work better in romance novels than in reality. After reading The Sweltering Summer, I decided to disguise myself as a peasant girl and sneak into the nearest village. Let me recount the number of ways this failed. First of all, everyone in each village knows everyone else. Thus, I was noticed immediately. Second, peasant food is simply horrible, and I did not enjoy it at all. Third, while the blacksmiths are strong, they are also generally immensely ugly. Finally, when I did in fact find a darkly passionate man at a tavern, I discovered that his courtship ritual involved tearing my peasant dress and attempting to take me at knifepoint. It took me hours to feel like I washed all of his blood off me; I finally slipped down by the sea and called the Mer to me to take away the anger at his presumption.

Next time, I think I will choose a different romance novel to emulate, or will simply make up my own.

...

Two years have passed, and I have written my own romance novel under a fictitious name. My factor has arranged to see it published, and according to him it is receiving a fair amount of interest in the court. The protagonist is a lady of the Touraine who is beset at all sides by enemies, but who at last recovers her son and raises him to be a fine man. I know it is embarrassing wish fulfillment, but writing it made me feel much better. I believe it has also allowed my factor the opportunity to expand his business substantially.

...

By the Sea. My factor has been offered a copy of "The Star Thief", the play I sought for so long. In return, I have been asked to provide a fortune in silver, and one of the following plays: "The Silver Cage", "Empty of Heart and Hand", and "The Chrysalis". I own a romance novel called "The Silver Cage"; assuming that he did not mean that particular book, I found my copy of the horrid "Chrysalis" play and sent it to the Capital with the silver at once. We'll see what comes of it.

...

My latest dress is an inverted tornado of crimson and gold. The tremendous sleeves of years past have gone out of style, leaving me with a dress that supports itself only through the scaffolding of the bodice and three strands of gold filament that wrap around my arms. I spent several hours admiring it in the mirror. I had never considered whether I could wear either color before, and I believe I can. In this dress, I could imagine doing so many other things....

...

I am a foolish, foolish girl. For the first time in decades, I contacted my family, telling them of my wish that they would introduce my dear niece Sincerity at court. When they assented, I traveled to the court of Julian Komaru, and there made my second debut before the Crown Prince of Komaru. Julian is a handsome Prince, but while I can understand his desire to maintain good relations with the Church, he could have done better than to choose Colette Bellatrix as his Consort. The woman uses her position like a weapon, and blasphemes the Church's beliefs in the same sentence that she threatens with its power. Her thirteen-year-old son watches her example like a hawk, and I swear Valentin's gaze made me feel like I faced my peasant attacker again. I count my fortunes that the eight years of age I claimed over him kept him away from me. My distant relative Valor Touraine was not quite as fortunate as I; I could tell at once that the Royal Heir had a more than casual interest in her.

Once I escaped the Royal Monster and her son, I had a splendid time. It took me a while to learn the current style of dance, but the style only losing favor was very similar to the bell spiral of my youth. The court has changed little; many of the colors seems more vivid at first glance, but beneath their light I think the walls grow darker and more decrepit. The Church's presence feels different: where once it commanded, now it watches and glowers. To some degree, I feel sorry for its decline. In the old days, the capital had held moon-watching pavilions. Now, they have been converted into private "booths", well stocked for servicing the assorted pleasures of the nobility. I was fortunate enough to figure out their nature in advance and avoid several offers of refreshment within; young Valor was unsurprisingly not as well-informed. Unfortunately, I discovered this while watching the Royal Heir coax the inebriated girl into one of the booths.

I am afraid that I made more than my share of mistakes that night after deciding to rescue the girl. At the time, I had been dancing with a charming Touraine gentleman more than 60 years my junior. When I saw Valentin at work, I am afraid that I startled the man with my concern, and thereby achieved his undivided attention. Thus, everything that follows occurs with him by my side.

Seeing Valor in danger, I attempted to make my excuses and go rescue her, only to end up with the Touraine boy at my side. Seeing that Valor was not in possession of her senses, I used my other talents to make Valentin forget about her. This, of course, led to hm focusing on me. Woefully, the use of Mirariel's gifts flows both ways, and I found myself forced to encourage his interest. I finally grudgingly agreed to see the moon from Valentin's booth when the Touraine lord did his best to intercede. Pulling me aside none-too-gracefully, he redfacedly proceeded to explain to me just what really went on in the booths, and how he did not wish a jewel such as I to have to face the Royal Heir's juvenile appetites. Biting my lip at his solicitude, I informed him that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Hurt, he stated that he agreed fully, but was so smitten by my beauty that he could not help himself in wishing to see my virtue preserved. At about that point, the Royal Heir an the Royal Monster started to approach me, and my talents revealed that I was about to face a Royal Decree to view the moon with the young beast.

I am afraid I overreacted rather severely in kissing my concerned young lord, and even more so in pulling him into one of the very booths I was attempting to avoid. I wish that I could say that I consider what followed a mistake, but I do not. He was young, and eager, and though he lacked experience, that only made me feel young again.

His name is Iolite.

He wants to see me - Sincerity Touraine - again.

I left the castle without leaving him a way to find me. I do not know what I will do now.

...

On my way home, I found myself possessed of unique reading material: "The Star Thief". I thought the other play was horrid. In many, many ways, this play is infinitely worse. Roughly three people die before the play is through; worse, to attune myself to Hotaru, I must destroy my very eyes.